On Saturday, I finally decided to watch a film I've been wanting to see for months: Pina. I ponied up the money to view it on Amazon since it's not available anywhere else, figuring, I'd pay this much in the theater, no? It's gorgeously filmed on-location performances interspersed with interviews with her dancers. I looked at the reviews on amazon and one of the comments stated that the dancing wasn't beautiful. To me, it is some of the most beautiful dancing I've seen, because it focused on the dancers themselves. They are characters, not just spinning bodies. There is so much social critique and awareness of humanity in the way they use their bodies. I managed to find a clip with one of the performances that I reacted to most strongly, from her piece "Café Müller." If you have a few minutes, I'd recommend watching it (clip is cued to that particular scene).
As I watched this piece, I found myself getting choked up. By the time it reaches the climax and the manipulator has left the two behind on stage to reenact his desires after consistently forcing his wants upon them for so long, they get stuck in his pattern. They lose their ability to distinguish what they wanted before. The woman practically throws herself to the floor again and again.
A list showed up on some wellness article I was reading recently about the signs of emotional abuse and manipulation. A friend and I were discussing it and the fact that when you're with someone who is manipulative, it's often hard to see from inside it. You justify what the person's doing and your putting up with it because you love them. It happens to the smartest of us. I think in the last year or two I've finally gotten to the point where I can see from inside it, and I've been able to end relationships going down that path. I have a couple of friends who are in relationships with emotionally manipulative people. I went down the list, checking for how many applied. 7 of 10. And nothing to be done about it. If you've expressed concern for a friend, that's basically it. People can justify emotional abuse and manipulation for a really long time. They think it's their fault, that they haven't tried hard enough to make things right with their partner. They accept the blame and the situation because it's supposed to be love. But love should never be about control. It should always be a choice.
In the introduction to my thesis manuscript, I talked about the idea of witness. That for me, the best poems are the ones that present a moment, a story and sticks to you like it has barbs. Things that are not easily cast aside. And part of this, I think, has to do with presenting complexities, often of people. I think that is true for all art. Pina Bausch's dances, to me, are beautiful because you can hear the dancers breathing; there is dirt, water, wrinkles, complications. I think the experience can be transformative, not just of making art, but of witnessing it. That the things that we see accrue inside us toward a greater understanding of our fellow humans. Dirt and all. There is a healing that can happen when we bear witness to other people's stories. We can acknowledge not just their experience, but our own and friends' and families' experiences. It can also help us learn how to be better in our own lives, to see where we've gone wrong, to consider our impact on other people by seeing what has been done to others.
JR is right. This is how we begin. We have to see each other.
